


With Out A Doubt

by keraunoscopia



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 21:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12661692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keraunoscopia/pseuds/keraunoscopia
Summary: They had never really talked about it. Sure deep down Rafael knew that Sonny would bring it up eventually, they’d been married for nearly a year...





	With Out A Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> This has canon-typical references to sexual abuse of a minor, but its mainly really just a fluffy romance/kid-fic (which I'm not usually that much a fan of but I've been watching This Is Us and then I just needed a Barisi child.) As always, would love to know what y'all think!

They had never really talked about it. Sure deep down Rafael knew that Sonny would bring it up eventually, they’d been married for nearly a year, and Sonny loved kids. He loved spending time with Jesse and Noah and his little niece Christina whenever he had the opportunity He always loved bonding with the kids they encountered on the job, he just had a way with them. But Rafael was nervous. He’d never been so good at interacting with children, frankly he hadn’t been good at it even when he was a child, generally preferring adult company. Not to mention that he was closer to fifty than forty, and he’d be nearly seventy before a child of theirs graduated high school, which meant a near certainty that Sonny would be the only one to meet grand children and something about that sank like a rock in his stomach. 

But at the same time, really, Rafael couldn’t deny Sonny anything. The detective could have come home one day and said that he wanted to move to Italy, and Rafael would make snarky comments, tell Sonny he was being impractical, but then he’d end up looking up flight and visa information. And frankly, he was surprised that Sonny hadn’t broached the topic yet, but their honeymoon had been a whirlwind of adventures and basking in the sun without a care in the world. And they’d hit the ground running when they got back, hadn’t stopped moving in the eight months since. Case after case piled up on their respective desks, and they were like passing ships I the night, only ever home together long enough to get a few hours of sleep curled together. 

Rafael hadn’t even known the case Sonny had been working on the past week or so, a young girl only thirteen who had been raped by her step father repeatedly, something they had only discovered when she showed up in the hospital seven months pregnant with complications. She had bonded with Sonny immediately, and he had spent most of the past few days sitting next to her bed, trying to coax out her disclosure, since she didn’t seem to want to explain how exactly she had gotten pregnant. Not that he blamed her of course. It surprised him though, how trusting she was of him, a strange man. He’d managed to get out an admission about her step father right before she cried out with her first contraction. He stood to leave, wanting to get a jump on hunting down the perp who had done such a thing to the tiny thirteen-year-old girl in front of him, his step daughter none the less, but the girl, Gracie, had started crying when he turned to leave, and she reached out for his hand. 

“Please don’t go,” she had cried, and Sonny could feel his heart breaking into a million pieces, so he just sat back down in the chair next to her beed and took her tiny hand in his. 

“I won’t, Gracie, I gotcha, sweetheart.” 

Liv had called two hours later, wondering where her detective was. “I can’t leave,” he had explained, “she starts crying whenever I try to leave the room,” Olivia understood of course, and just urged him to check in every so often with updates, and he relayed the information about her step father. It was nearly four hours after that when the doctors finally wheeled her into an operating room to perform a c-section, and Sonny walked along side her bed, murmuring words of reassurance. 

“I’m scared, Sonny,” she had cried as he stepped away only long enough for the scrub nurses to help him into a surgical gown so he could go in with her. 

“Sweetheart, it’ll be okay, these are good doctors, they’re gonna take care of you, okay? And I’ll be right there with you.” She nodded and reached out her hand to take his again. 

Sonny couldn’t believe how tiny she was, the little baby, barely bigger than the palm of his hand, and the doctors immediately carried her out of the room. Two months premature, he knew from all of the books he read with Amanda that the tiny girl had a good chance of making it, but she was so tiny, and she hadn’t cried before the doctors whisked her away, so Sonny really couldn’t be sure. 

He was finally able to step away after Gracie was returned to her room, the poor girl was exhausted and fell right to sleep. He couldn’t leave entirely though, couldn’t bring himself to abandon her to wake up all lone. Her step father was in custody according to Liv’s latest text, her mother no where to be found. She had no one. It was two in the morning though, and he knew Rafael would be waiting up for him, so he reached for his phone and dialed his number. 

“Hey, its late,” Rafael’s voice was husky with sleep and Sonny knew from experience that the ADA had probably fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him, no doubt a book in his hand now with wrinkled and folded pages. 

“I know, I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, I’ve been at the hospital with a vic,” he explained quickly, not waiting to give Rafael the opportunity to worry. “This thirteen-year-old girl, Raf, she’s so small, and I was just in the operating room where she had a baby.” 

“What?” Rafael assumed he misheard, the sleepy fog hadn’t quite lifted. 

“A baby, Raf. Two pounds, she’s so tiny I could put her in the palm of my hand. The docs aren’t sure she’s gonna make it though.” Sonny’s voice was steady, unwavering, but Rafael knew him well enough to know how close he was to crying. Kids always hit him the hardest, even after all of those years at SVU. 

“Say a prayer,” Rafael reminded gently. His own faith was tenuous at best, but he knew how much of a comfort God was to Sonny. 

“I will. I’m going to spend the night here, the girl, she’s real attached to me right now and I don’t want her to be alone when she wakes up.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you in the morning, love.” Rafael replied, a sweet tone to his voice that he reserved explicitly for his husband, but Sonny could tell that sleep was threatening to take him again. 

“Alright Rafi, get your ass off the couch and into bed,” Sonny teased lightly, knowingly, “sweet dreams, love ya.” He smiled into the phone, just taking to Rafael could turn his mood around completely. 

“Love you too,” Rafael yawned before hanging up. Sonny sent a quick text to Liv before settling down into the chair in Gracie’s room and closing his eyes. 

It was half past four when he woke up, stretching quietly. His joints and muscles ached from the way he was twisted in the chair, but Gracie was still asleep so he stepped out of the room and headed for the nurse’s station. 

“Can I help you?” one of the night nurses asked, looking about as tired as Sonny felt. 

“I’m Detective Carisi, SVU, I’ve been in with Gracie Nichols, I was just wondering if there’s an update on her baby.”

The nurse nodded and pulled out the file. “Baby girl Nichols is in the NICU but it looks like she’ll need to be here for a while, according to the notes her lungs are underdeveloped, but she’s stable.” The nurse looked up, “do you want to go see her?” 

She was even tinier than Sonny remembered, dwarfed by the tubes and wires and the incubator she was laid in.

“You can hold her,” the nurse motioned to the opening in the incubator, “skin to skin contact is good for preemies,” she noted but left the NICU to return to her station. 

Sonny swallowed the lump in his throat and took a few steps forward, letting his hand rest on top of the plastic. He couldn’t get over how tiny she was, like the dolls his sisters always had when they were little. He slipped his hand inside the incubator but his hand was trembling as it hovered over her. She looked so fragile, so breakable, like one wrong move and he’d crush her. He let his hand fall gently on her back, feeling the subtle rise and fall of her chest. 

“Detective,” a voice called after a few minutes, though Sonny wasn’t sure really how long he had been standing there, in awe of the tiny life in his hand. He turned towards the door. “Gracie is awake, she’s asking for you.” Sonny nodded and withdrew his hand before heading back to the girl’s room. 

“Hey munchkin, how ya feeling?” He smiled as he walked in, she was sitting up but he could see her wince as she shifted. He felt a pang of guilt in the gut of his stomach. He hadn’t caused this, but he felt responsible anyway, some how her abuse had gone on at least seven months without anyone noticing. There was thirteen years and sixty-five pounds between the girl and her child in the NICU, but as far as Sonny was concerned, they were both babies. 

“I’m okay,” she nodded gently. 

“Your little girl is doing good, the nurse said I can take you into see her if you want,” he smiled gently, sitting down in the chair, his chair at this point. 

She shook her head quickly, panic settling on her face. “No I don’t want to see her.” 

Sonny frowned. “That’s okay, maybe when you’re feeling a little better…” he trailed off when she shook her head again. 

“I don’t want to see her ever. I looked it up a couple months ago, I can give her up for adoption, I don’t need to see her at all.” She looked up at Sonny, more determined than the fearful look he had seen the past few days. “Can you take her?” Sonny blinked. Of all the possible conversations he had anticipated with the young victim, this hadn’t been one of them. 

“What?”

“You’re wearing a ring, “ she added quickly, “Can you and your wife take her? I mean I don’t know if you have other kids, but you’ve been so nice to me and I know you’d take care of her and wouldn’t let anyone hurt her…”   
“Sweetheart,” he frowned, “I’m not married to a woman, I have a husband,” he started, not sure at all how he was supposed to respond. 

“That doesn’t matter,” she answered quickly, “please?”

He took a deep breath, “adopting a child isn’t really a split second decision,” Sonny’s voice trailed off. 

“Will you think about it? Please?” She pleaded with him. 

Sonny swallowed hard. He had always known he wanted kids, he’d wanted them since he was a kid himself, had always imagined he’d be a dad one day, but that had been tabled when he fell in love with Rafael Barba. He knew the man didn’t want kids, had known that when he had started dating him, when they got engaged, when he married him. It was a sacrifice he was willing to make for a life with the ADA. But he could feel the tug of his heart strings, the tiny, precious face imprinted in his mind. 

“I’ll think about it, I can’t make any promises, sweetheart, but I can definitely help you find a family if that’s what you want.” Sonny finally sighed, checking his watch. 

He was not an impulsive man, not really. As much as everyone liked to tease him about how he was a kid, and rushed to judgment, he was meticulous and calculated when it came to major life decisions. Every rational thought in his brain was screaming no, was reminding him how much Rafael shied away from Noah, and Jesse, and Christina, even when they actively sought out his affection. But even still, he hands seemed to move on their own, dialing Rafael’s cell phone number, no regard of the fact that it was only half past five. 

“Sonny?” a groggy voice startled him at first, he hadn’t even really realized he had called. “Is something wrong?” 

Sonny paused for a moment, just long enough to perk Rafael up with concern. “This is going to sound crazy, but can you come to the hospital?” 

“What’s wrong?” Rafael asked again. 

“Nothing’s wrong, please, can you just meet me here?” 

“Of course, love,” Rafael replied, his voice tinged with concern. 

They hung up the phone, and Sonny excused himself from Gracie’s room, mind still swirling like he’d had a bit too much to drink. He walked wordlessly back to the NICU, looking down at his tiny little girl. His? Sonny back peddled in his mind. It was crazy, there was no way that Rafael would agree. Even if they had ever decided to have kids, it certainly would have been something subject to deliberation, negotiation and preparation. His husband didn’t handle change well. 

He wasn’t sure exactly how long he had been in there when he heard the door push open, and he assumed it was one of the nurses until a hand fell onto his lower back. “Sonny, what’s going on?” Rafael’s voice was soft, the sort of tone he used when trying to sympathize with witnesses nervous about testifying. 

“You’re gonna think I’m insane, Raf,” he replied, looking down at the little girl, he couldn’t bring himself to pull his hand away. 

“Sonny, I’ve known you were since I met you,” Rafael teased softly, trying to lighten the mood, “really, cariño, what’s going on?” 

“This is her baby,” he nodded to the incubator.”

Rafael nodded, “I figured as much, but why am I here?”

“Gracie, the victim, she wants to give her up for adoption, which makes sense because poor girl is only thirteen, she’s just a baby herself, and we can’t even find her mom and her step dad is the one who…” he broke off, “she asked me to adopt her.” 

Of all the worst case, disaster thinking Rafael’s brain had run through in the cab ride from their apartment to the hospital, this particular situation hadn’t come up. He paused, his hand rubbing soft circles on Sonny’s lower back. “And you want to,” Rafael filled in the rest of Sonny’s unspoken words slowly. 

Sonny finally tore his eyes away from the tiny girl, turning to look at Rafael. “I know we never talked about it, I know you don’t really want kids, but Rafi, I just have this feeling, like this is what’s supposed to happen, that this is what God planned, that she’s supposed to be ours.” His eyes were pooling with tears, but his voice was steady, Rafael could see the conviction on his face. 

Rafael frowned, “I never told you I didn’t want to have kids…” 

Sonny sighed, “you didn’t need to say it, I’ve known since I met you. And I thought I was okay with that. I didn’t think we needed to have kids to be happy, because I love you and that’s enough, but Rafi, I’m just so sure of this.”

Rafael shook his head, “you’re an idiot,” Sonny opened his mouth to reply but Rafael cut him off, “I’m uncomfortable around kids, I’m worried about being too old to be a good father, I’m worried about being a good father in the first place because the examples I had weren’t exactly the greatest. But I always imagined there’d be kids in our future together Sonny, I figured you’d bring it up when you were ready.” He paused for a moment, turning to look at the tiny girl laying in the incubator. “If you’re sure about this, I’m behind you, a hundred percent.” Sonny scrambled for the words but couldn’t seem to find them, instead he just let the tears roll down his cheeks, and Rafael pulled him into a hug. “You’re going to have to teach me, okay,” Rafael whispered in his ear. “but I’ll learn.”

Sonny pulled away just enough to drop a soft and sweet kiss on Rafael’s cheek. “You’re a quick learner, Rafi, you’ll be a great father.”

The paperwork and documents had been surprisingly easy, and Gracie had been ecstatic when Sonny had let her know that he and Rafael were willing. They had gone back and forth about what to name her, because Gracie had no interest, even after they had offered to defer to her. 

“She’s not my baby,” Gracie had shaken her head. “She’s yours.” She had added, and Sonny had mentally noted how mature she was for her age. 

They had finally settled on Camilla Isabel, after Sonny’s grandmother, and Sonny had insisted that they give her Rafael’s last name. “She’s going to be our daughter, Rafi,” Sonny had noted with a smile, “hyphens are too much for such a little thing like her, she doesn’t have to have my last name to be mine,” they were sitting in the NICU, and the tiny girl was still hooked up to all sorts of machines, but Sonny had gathered her in his arms and held her against his bare chest the way that the nurse had suggested, cradling her carefully. Rafael had never seen such a look of affection on Sonny’s face, but he could have sworn he felt his heart swell at the sight. Their daughter. Theirs. 

It was three weeks later when she was finally released from the hospital. All the documents had been filed, both Rafael and Sonny had requested to use their vacation time, and they had informed the squad together that they were bringing home a little girl. The squad had been surprised, to say the least, because it seemed sudden, and it was, but as far as Sonny was concerned, their entire lives had culminated to that point, but they still got congratulations, and Amanda had sent them home with bags and bags of baby clothes, and Sonny had never seen Rafael quite so anxious as he was the morning of, packing up the car to go bring home their daughter. The time she needed in the NICU had given them the opportunity to prepare- as much as two new parents could. Rafael had committed himself to reading everything he could find about parenting, and premature babies, and had gone a just a little overboard, to Sonny’s amusement, when he had home come to find Rafael in a sea of baby clothes and nursery decorations and pretty much one of everything from Babys-R-Us spread out over their living room. 

“What if she’s too small for the car seat,” Rafael had asked suddenly in the car, half way to the hospital. 

“Rafi, I already double checked with the nurses, they said this one will be fine.” He let his hand fall from the steering wheel to Rafael’s thigh. “Take a deep breath, we’ll be fine.”

On the way back to the apartment, Rafael sat in the back, hovering gently over the car seat, eyes fixed on the tiny little girl- their tiny little girl, their daughter. “Don’t brake so hard,” he chastised Sonny without turning away. Sonny just rolled his eyes with a smile. He would have never admitted as much to Rafael, but he had been nervous too; he had basically made the decision for the two of them, and as much as Rafael had insisted that he supported Sonny, that he had wanted this too, Sonny didn’t want him to feel pressured into something he wasn’t ready for. But seeing Rafael hold the her, with such gentle care, he knew all of his worry had been misplaced. 

Sonny had only been able to take two weeks of vacation time. Manhattan SVU was notorious for hoarding vacation time, but Sonny had burned through a lot of his own studying for the bar, but Rafael had convinced the DA’s office to give him paternity leave with a strongly worded argument and a reminder that FMLA covered adoptive families, he had been given a month, and as hard as it was for Sonny to leave that first morning watching Rafael pace around the apartment with their little girl bundled up in his arms, he knew it was important for Rafael to have time alone with her, to build his confidence. 

The twelve-hour shift, usually standard, had been brutal for Sonny, he sighed, waiting for the elevator doors to open up on their floor before he stepped off into the hallway and bee-lined for their door. Not that anything particularly bad had happened, it had actually been a pretty slow day at the office, but they day had just dragged on forever. He opened their front door, slowly, quietly. “Rafi?” He had called quietly, stepping into the apartment, kicking off his dress shoes. 

But didn’t get a response, but practically melted at the sight in front of him, Rafael laid back on the couch, his hair still slightly mussed, and their baby girl sleeping on his chest. “You can put her down you know,” he teased, voice barely above a whisper as he walked over to them, crouching down next to the couch. 

“Absolutely not if I don’t have to,” Rafael murmured lovingly, and Sonny could feel the warmth spreading from his chest. A month ago he wouldn’t have believed this was possible, could have never imagined his husband holding such a tiny child- theirs. 

“Hey Rafi?” Sonny smiled, and the ADA turned towards him. 

“Yeah?” He asked quietly, trying not to disturb her sleep.

“Do you think this is what happily ever after feels like?” 

“Without a doubt.”


End file.
